Just a Mow Please

I would never deliberately hurt anyone or anything – I’m too much of a softie for that, but recently, I managed to inflict some serious harm. Perhaps I should confess, and admit to actually killing something.

After a good amount of rain one time, the grass in my yard was getting a tad out of control. I realised how much out of control the lawn was when I had to launch a safari to locate my letterbox, taking along a week’s supply of food and toilet paper...I might be exaggerating about the safari bit.

Anyway, on that fateful afternoon, I thought I’d get out my whipper-snipper to cut through the worst of the thick jungle that was growing at the side of my house. 

It had been quite some time since I had the little tool out, and I replaced the cord with some thicker cord in the vain hope that it wouldn’t break every five seconds that it was in use. Perhaps the cord was too thick, or perhaps the whipper-snipper was tired, but whatever the case, I managed to kill it. 

The electric whipper-snipper began to smell like it was burning and I thought it was because it was simply struggling to get through the thick grass. But after about ten minutes, it suddenly made a strange noise, and began to rattle and it ceased in its pathetic attempts at cutting the grass. Smoke began to issue from the motor, and I quickly switched it off and disconnected the cord.

“Fine!” I thought in exasperation, “I’ll just get out my electric mower.”

The old ‘Flymo’ electric mower had always struggled with thick grass, but as I’d already managed to lop back some of the worst of the grass with the dismal endeavours of the whipper-snipper, I thought I might stand a change with the ‘Flymo’. Unfortunately, the mower struggled right from the start. Now when the grass is short, the ‘Flymo’ hovers over the grass and is almost as light as a feather. But when the grass is thick and long, the ‘Flymo’ becomes more like the ‘Flystuck’ because it just seem to get bogged down into the grass like its suddenly transformed into an enormous vacuum cleaner.

Valiantly I struggled on, hacking at the grass ever so slowly, making short, hard sweeps through the thick undergrowth. I could still smell the burnt-out motor of the whipper-snipper which I’d discarded nearby, as I toiled and sweated with my ‘Flymo’. It was about ten minutes into my lawn-mowing attempts that I began to suspect that something was seriously wrong with my electric mower. The burnt smell grew stronger and suddenly the mower began to make a strange and wretched noise. Then it kind of gasped and died, and smoke began to issue from the motor. I switched it off and disconnected the mower.

I couldn’t believe it! I had managed to murder both a whipper-snipper and a motor mower in one day. I hadn’t realised that I possessed such an exceptional talent! Do you have what it takes to beat my skill?