No! That's Just Plain Wrong OR Simple Men: Simple Rules ©

 There are some things that are just plain wrong, things that should never be allowed to exist. 

Let me give you a simple example: 

wearing a checked shirt and checked shorts together under the mistaken impression that they match because they are checked. 

Not only is this wrong, it's painful to one's eyeballs. While I've seen this example in both sexes, I have to point out the majority of offenders in this case seem to be of the male gender. Along a similar vein I've spotted men in a striped shirt and mismatching striped shorts. And the ultimate in eye insults is an Hawaiian shirt and either striped or checked shorts. 

Now fellas, if you can't understand what's wrong with the above, please let me give you a little gentle instruction... STOP IT! To ensure that you never, ever have a wardrobe malfunction again, there is a simple rule to follow:

• always wear black or navy shorts or trousers, and then you can wear ANY coloured shirt you like - they will ALL match. 

Really, it's that simple! 

To really impress the wife or girlfriend, next time you go out on a date:

• wear a shirt with a collar

This will not only impress your woman, but half the other women in the room will look at your partner with envy because their husband is the slob in a singlet or t-shirt that reads"

"They keep on arresting me at the airport because I'm carrying these huge guns!"

And while we're on the subject of male attire, who thought that socks and sandals together were a good look? Here's another simple rule to follow when it comes to footwear:

• If you need to wear socks, then you need to wear lace up shoes.

Astonishingly simple again, isn't it?

While I thought that was a fairly revolting look, recently I saw a step beyond that into nauseating territory. There was a man wearing socks with sandals, but the sandals were too small and his toes were poking over the front of his shoes. Huh? What's with that? 

Since it seems to be an "harass men" entry today, let me also point out another simple thing fellas:

• personal hygiene is not optional.

Crazy as it sounds, it includes cleaning of ones teeth, washing ones body, combing ones hair, and in particular the use of a good underarm deodorant, all on a daily basis. Yep, I said daily!

Shocking isn't it?

When it comes to going out on a date guys, let me assure you that you don't have to own an expensive or even new car to impress most ladies, but please, when you take her out, ensure there are no engine pieces in the front seat area of your vehicle. If she has to wait for you to clear rubbish away or has to sit down in greasy spots while wearing a lovely outfit specially chosen for going out with you, what do you think that says to her? It says:

I haven't put any thought into cleaning this car before our date, so what makes you think that I'm ever going to stop being a slob?"

And finally, move out of home if you are still living with your mother.

Phew! Some very important but simple lesson for you fellas. I hope you can put them to good use. ©