February 26, 2010

The Rules of Retail ©

Have you ever been shopping with someone who insists you help them decide if the clothes they are buying for their husband are the right size? How awkward is that? Apart from the fact that I don't check out my girlfriends' husbands and the size of their biceps or butts, I haven't had to buy clothes for a man for over 20 years.

Shouldn't there be a rule about this one? If you have a friend or relative who hasn't had a serious boyfriend in over a decade, please don't ask them to help you size your husband's clothes...there! That sounds like a pretty good rule.
Ok then, if we're going to start a list of retail rules, what should number two be when it comes to shopping? How about ...

2. Ensure you leave ample time to go shopping ... 4-5 hours at a minimum.

3. Do not ask your female friend/relative to check if your new underwear looks good on you - especially if you are slimmer than they are.

4. If you've been told you look like a giant bruise when you wear purple, don't continue picking up purple outfits in the vain hope that your female friend/relative will suddenly change their mind and tell you the colour looks fabulous on you. Hey, I look like I'm growing mould when I wear pastel green or yellowy browns. Just get over it.

5. At the last moment, just as you are making your way through the checkouts, do not dash back and grab that outfit that you saw in the first five minutes and swore was too expensive/ short/ young or odd. Unless of course you are an Olympic sprinter and you can make it back in 15.6 seconds. (Sounds like a good time limit to me!)

So that leads us straight onto rule numbers 6, 7, 8 and so on. Do you have any suggestions?

How about what not to bring along? Husbands? Great Aunt Gertie who thinks shopping centres are places of evil. Or your pet aardvark?

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