April 19, 2010

Dismal Dunnies ©

I think I’m under a curse: the curse of the toilet seat.

It could have started the time I discovered that you can’t see a cockroach on a black toilet seat. From that moment on, toilet seats everywhere banned together and swore to have their revenge on me for half-squashing a cockroach on one of their brothers.

Toilet seats around the world I’m sure, feel much maligned in their profession, especially being the butt of so many jokes (sorry couldn’t help myself) and have now formed a union to avenge themselves on those human they deem have perpetrated the cheekiest crimes against them. (Sorry again.)

So what kind of revenge can a toilet seat possibly execute? I can tell you from personal experience that:

• The hinge can snap on one side so that the seat portion becomes skewed and you almost fall off;
• On a heavy duty toilet seat, the lid can crash down onto your fingers; and
• The hinge can seize up so you can’t lift the lid at all, especially when you are desperate, which is a bit of a bummer (sorry for that).

In a two year period our household went through a total of eight toilets seats. From cheap and flimsy to expensive and heavy duty: one after another failed us. One costly decorative one even developed a large crack (no pun intended.)

After sending a letter of sincere apology to the TSU (Toilet Seat Union), I no longer bother purchasing expensive toilet seats, but stick to the cheap ones from the bottom end of the market (I won’t attempt to apologise for that one).

I only hope, because I don’t turn mine often enough, that the mattresses of the world don’t form a union or I might find myself on the floor one of these nights. ©

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