Celibate and Sane: Dismal Dunnies ©

April 19, 2010

Dismal Dunnies ©

I think I’m under a curse: the curse of the toilet seat.

It could have started the time I discovered that you can’t see a cockroach on a black toilet seat. From that moment on, toilet seats everywhere banned together and swore to have their revenge on me for half-squashing a cockroach on one of their brothers.

Toilet seats around the world I’m sure, feel much maligned in their profession, especially being the butt of so many jokes (sorry couldn’t help myself) and have now formed a union to avenge themselves on those human they deem have perpetrated the cheekiest crimes against them. (Sorry again.)

So what kind of revenge can a toilet seat possibly execute? I can tell you from personal experience that:

• The hinge can snap on one side so that the seat portion becomes skewed and you almost fall off;

• On a heavy duty toilet seat, the lid can crash down onto your fingers; and

• The hinge can seize up so you can’t lift the lid at all, especially when you are desperate, which is a bit of a bummer (sorry for that).

In a two year period our household went through a total of eight toilets seats. From cheap and flimsy to expensive and heavy duty: one after another failed us. One costly decorative one even developed a large crack (no pun intended.)

After sending a letter of sincere apology to the TSU (Toilet Seat Union), I no longer bother purchasing expensive toilet seats, but stick to the cheap ones from the bottom end of the market (I won’t attempt to apologise for that one).

I only hope, because I don’t turn mine often enough, that the mattresses of the world don’t form a union or I might find myself on the floor one of these nights. ©

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Personal Quotes from Vicki-S

"Occasionally I find my breakfast a little bitter, and sometimes it's difficult to chew and swallow; though at other times it's sweet, but it’s very satisfying and always sustains me. My most important meal of the day, is feasting on God’s Word and drinking up His presence."

I love me, because God loves me. It's not that God doesn't see my flaws, they are like blazing torches in His eyes, but rather that He sees past my imperfections and still loves me. And who am I to argue with the perfect God that I am worthwhile, that I am worthy of love, and that He accepts me and wants me to be His child, His beloved daughter? When I understood this, I began to accept and embrace His version and His vision of me, and not the world's.

"The silent treatment and sulking are simply two other weapons in the arsenal of the manipulator."

"Often people use the metaphor of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon to describe how we can grow from difficult experiences, but what they don't mention is the fact that at first we start off as an ugly caterpillar."

"We so often just get caught up in trying to just get through each day, that we forget to pause and be thankful for the fresh one that is presented anew and untouched each morning."

"Contrary to what we might think, forgiveness isn't so much about healing our relationship with that other person, but about healing our own broken heart."

"The purpose of school reunions is to show off how much you've achieved in life, to laugh at the once popular kids who've aged more quickly than you; and to wince at the guy who was a bully in school and who aptly became a policeman."

"I've found in many organisations where volunteers are needed, including the modern-day church, that 80% of its people sit back and let everyone else do most of the work, then there's the 10% who actually make the place run, and the remaining 10% just like to whinge about the 10% doing the work, especially about how they could do it better."

"When traced back to its source, every sin, every despicable act, and every war was motivated by someone's selfishness."

"I do not want to think of man, for that would distract me from God. But if I focus on God, I cannot help but think of my fellow man, and each day God keeps the scales balanced so that I have enough within me to do both."

"Overcoming depression isn’t about changing ones attitude, or just ‘getting on’ with things, it’s like removing one’s personal black shroud one thread at a time, with ones teeth.”