February 7, 2010

The Black Dog

I’ve been suffering depression for the past few months. If I’m going to be honest here, I should really tell you that it’s been over a year now.

It all started with a fall up a step that resulted in 2 torn tendons in my shoulder, surgery and a great deal of pain. But probably the worst thing of all was the loss of independence.

We take so much of our physical abilities for granted don’t we? The ability to do some of the simplest of tasks became almost impossible without the use of both of my arms and hands, eg putting my hair up, flossing my teeth, hanging my washing on the line.

I feel like I’m finally getting through the worst part of my depression. It hasn’t been a pleasant experience and certainly wasn’t helped by some of the other workers at the office treating me like I was just pretending about the injury and pain.

I’ve come to the point where I can finally look back and consider whether the experience has helped me in any way:
  • Undoubtedly, I am very grateful for the mobility that I have. Although my arm will never be as strong as it once was, at least I can still use it.
  • I came to know which of my friends were truly supportive and understanding, and which of my fellow-workers (most of whom I had considered friends) were not.
  • I have gained more compassion for those who live daily with constant pain
  • My depression has reminded me that I am not infallible and that though I am flawed, I am still an honourable, strong and worthwhile person – especially with God on my side.
Depression might be considered an ugly word, but the experience can also be a positive one in the long term.

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