May 22, 2010

Pssst - A Message from Larci the Cat

I'm Larci, the handsome 2 year old in Vicki's household, and frankly I'm getting a little tired of the abuse I'm receiving from Vicki about my behaviour.

While Vicki was asleep, I decided to log into her blog without her knowledge to let you know that all of the terrible things she says about us cats is not true. Especially the things she says about me.

She's always going cranky at me when I'm on the furniture, and while I tried to explain that it's called "fur"niture for a reason, she tried to pretend she didn't understand what I was saying. Isn't it about time that all humans learned Cat properly? I've been trying to train Vicki since I first came to live with her.

When I lovingly play with my new sister, I'm not biting her, I'm showing her how to nibble. I tried to explain that when my sister Cinnamon yowled it was a yowl of laughter, but Vicki was annoyed with me anyway, claiming I was being too rough.

When I knock things off the counter, especially if they're full of liquid, it is not to get attention, but simply to let Vicki know that the area needs tidying. 

I like to test the strength of everything in the house, because if they're flimsy they could break and really hurt someone. Wooden blinds, metal towel racks, mobile phones and all plastics need to be tested for resistance.

That scratch on Vicki's eyelid was not deliberate. I was sure I spotted a wasp or a bee, or at least a nasty-looking moth. Did I get any thanks for shooing it away? No, just a whack on the nose as she growled "Naughty Boy." Then she gave me "the look."  Next time I'll let the thing bite her and then she'll be sorry.

At this point I would like it noted that I do not "raid" the pantry looking for food. I am simply ensuring that the food is fit for human consumption. That's why I like to try out new things like pasta and dried beans and anything in plastic bags that can be ripped open. I wouldn't want my humans to get sick now would I?

And finally, I resent suggestions that I go running through the house like a maniac. I am in reality demonstrating my superb athletic skills and testing my ability to reach supersonic speeds so that I may one day become the superhero "Mal-Larci" - doer of good deeds, and eccentric food-taster in my spare time.

Please let me get on with my work...thank you.

Check out the secret life of Larci as a Superhero cat

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