February 20, 2011

Curtains May Cause Sight and Brain Damage .. Read it and Weep!

Photo by Andreas Praefcke
Warning! Revolting Fabrics May Cause
Sight or Brain Damage!

Anyone who lived through the 1960s and 70s knows the extremes to which people can go when it comes to decorating. 

"After the hideousness of those earlier decades, surely people would have learned from our past mistakes and decided never to inflict such painfully awful designs on the public again," I thought.

I was wrong.

What few people realise is that when it comes to curtains, taste in fabric design has barely improved since that time.

To demonstrate this, I took two of my friends on a tour of an international auction website and we searched through the copious quantities of curtains. They both expressed horror about curtains designs and made the same comment, almost word for word, "What were they thinking?"

Once again, I must warn you that the following material may damage your sign or your brain. It was nice knowing you.

First, let us begin with some of the milder, slightly less revolting curtains, just to kind of ease you into it so that you are prepared for the worse ones to come:

See, almost bearable.
Just slightly worse, but keep in mind that you
would have to look at a vast hanging mass of
these curtains in the one spot.
Imagine waking up to this in the morning ...
or being struck by the vision of these
on your eyeballs in the morning!
If you're looking for a partner, don't put these on your windows:
For the blokey man, here are some samples
which will scare away any potential wife.
Here are some for the hippy kind of woman that a
bloke would consider is obviously off in a strange
world all of their own.
Whoever has these on their window, would probably be
happy to wear clothing using the same fabric .. Run!
Anyone who has these on their windows should
be arrested on suspicion of being an alien
from outer-space, or a Politician.
Now comes a little selection for those who for some reason believe it's cute to have pictures of real things on their windows.
No, you aren't imagining things, there are snooker
curtains, piggies and different colour flamingoes.
Followed by the equally tasteful dice, pug dogs
and I think those are items for halloween.
And goodness knows why somebody made these fabric designs for curtains:
Words fail me!
Arrghh! My eyes! My eyes! I'm blinded!
Get me a bucket!
On the left - very subtle! The middle set of peach
and blue are supposed to go together, and on the
right I believe those round objects are either
donuts or bagels - very tasteful!
And the last set of beautiful curtain fabrics for your viewing pleasure:

Please pass on my regards to your psychiatrist, you are probably now going to require some serious help!

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